Ben Affleck Is Batman: How it sent me through those 5 stages.

I decided to wait on writing this until I was through experiencing what I knew was going to happen. I didn’t want to behave rashly, or put anything out onto the wide web I couldn’t take back.  Let’s take a journey, a journey that began with an amazing announcement at comic-con, and ended…with Ben Affleck.

1st step – Denial

batman no wayThis is where it all began for me. I follow IGN on Facebook and I thought it was some kind of joke. In fact when I posted it in another group that I belong to, they too laughed. “Oh IGN is TROLLING HARD today,” “That’s not funny IGN,” they said “we all know that’s not true.” “Confirmed? What do they mean confirmed? His name wasn’t even mentioned!” Indeed the Nile t’was not just a river in Egypt that fateful ‘eve. We were knee-deep in denial, for IGN does not troll good people, they are not the Onion. People began wildly throwing out accusations of IGN being hacked until eventually we saw it on other sites. With dawning comprehension the horror of the situation hit us as hard as a vegetable Bane.

veggie bane
He still hit pretty hard.

Stage 2 – Anger

The internet EXPLODED! Angry fan-boys doused themselves in gasoline and set themselves on fire outside of Warner Brothers’ headquarters.

World peace? Uhh no, didn't you hear about Bat-fleck???
World peace? Uhh no, didn’t you hear about Bat-fleck???

Memes abound! Didn’t you see Daredevil? He doesn’t have the charisma, he doesn’t have the attitude, he won’t take it seriously! Does he even lift?? This is a slap in the face to all nerd kind, how DARE you WB how DARE YOU? How about you just stick to animated movies and leave the real superhero stuff to Disney? You SUCK!

bat boston

Step 3- Bargaining

Maybe they offered the role to someone else first? Maybe they turned it down? If we protest, sign petitions? Maybe they just need to hear our voices? Yeah…Yeah…that’s it, hey look White House! Make this travesty illegal! That’ll show ’em! They’ll change it for sure now. Xbox retracted it right? Same thing can happen here! Nothing…let’s pray on it! No? nothing? What? Seriously?

Blight
You guys? I don’t think he’s changing his mind…

Step 4 Depression

Every morning waking up to the nightmare that is BAT-FLEK sent several people into a depression, self abusive spiral. Nobody wore Batman paraphernalia out on the streets, for shame!  Every night I had terrible dreams of bat-nipples, bad puns, and chubby non-caring batmen.

Step 5 Acceptance

Maybe…maybe he’s learned from his stint as the Daredevil. I mean I know he said he’d never play a superhero again. He felt it degraded him as an actor…But maybe that just means the role is something he feels he can really throw himself into? Yeah that’s gotta be it. I mean Wolverine said he’d be good so that’s got to count for something right? Right?

Sigh…let us pray the nerd’s prayer.

Oh Bob Kane and possibly Bill Finger, depending on who you’re talking to, please let this Batman casting not be the worst thing since Joel…Please allow us the strength to carry on in these hard and unknowing times, if you could please stop turning over in your graves for half a second, we would like to apologize for WB for they know not what they do. I pray that you somehow make this work. In Wayne’s name…Abat.

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Thanks for reading!

Sincerely,

Wiseguy Industries-Brian Bell

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Man of Steel Spoiler Free Review!

man of steel

So today I got up early and went uptown to see the new superman movie “Man of Steel.” Now a little history has to be said first when it comes to this review. I am not the biggest superman fan, I feel he’s overpowered to the point of ridiculousness and I know how hard it is to make a movie with a character like that. That being said DC has done a  great job humanizing him through his character and his relationship with the most human of all the superheroes, Batman.

That being said with all the hype surrounding this movie and the fact that Snyder and Nolan helmed it made me pretty excited to see where they would go with it. I wondered how much they’d pull from the dark knight trilogy. The answer obviously was quite a bit. From the official name “Man of Steel” to the darker tone of the entire movie, we are treated to a superman tale that was never before told.

The movie begins on Krypton that is falling apart. (That’s not a spoiler you can see that from the trailers!) Russel Crowe plays Jor-El father of Kal-El (superman) and he plays him quite well. The Krypton they show is not the one you grew up with with golden cities and bright skies. This Krypton is dangerous, the type of place that would have people with a tougher physique such as Superman. They introduced the social climate and political structure of Krypton more than I had ever seen before and the action sequences right from the beginning are intense and quite on point.

They went sci-fi with this movie. In fact the entire movie, not just on Krypton but on Earth as well, I felt was a sci-fi flick. Aliens invading searching for another alien, sometimes I felt I wasn’t even watching Superman which could be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it. On one hand superman fans love their boy scout on the other where we come in at in this movie he’s not quite there yet.

The fight scenes in this movie are a little over the top, which kinda works the first time  you see it until you think about what’s actually going on. Without giving too much away I’ll just say think of the animated series fights and you’ll get the idea.

The only gripe I had was with the cutting back and forth between ages, it was done a little choppily and left me feeling out of sorts in some places.

Overall this was a fun movie and the best they could have done with a Superman movie. There were great glimpses of Krypton, great performances, huge shocks, and great direction. The fight scenes were huge and over the top and the villain was well written. The rumor is that they’ll be putting out another movie in 2014 which is shockingly fast. Jasmyne suggested a Lex Luthor/Brainiac crossover which I completely agree with.

four_half-stars_0

 

This gets 4.5 out of 5 stars great movie only thing holding it back was the telling of the story in the beginning. Its a summer blockbuster, sci fi, action movie to the core and It’s a lot of fun. I would definitely recommend going to see it.

Thanks for reading!

Sincerely,

Brian Bell-Wiseguy Industries

The Top 5 Cartoons of the 90s

The nineties were a time of crazy backwards clothing, 99 cent gas, oval office oral opprobria, and of course…CARTOONS! Man were kids ever catered to back then Disney channel was mostly cartoons and (shocker) so was cartoon network! I know crazy right? Well that was until some…changes…

cartoon-network
You just stood by and let Ted Turner kill us

The WB had morning cartoons as well and all was right in the toon world, we even got a live action crossover movie with the biggest basketball superstar of all time. So things were great. So to narrow it down to five is going to be rough but here are my top five as I remember them, If I leave any out feel free to list your “favs” in the comment section! The rules for inclusion I’m doing shows primarily meant for kids so no…Ren and Stimpy isn’t on here, it had to have STARTED in the 90s so 89 and before doesn’t cut it. Ok…here we go!

#5 Doug

Centering around the new kid and his huge imagination, Doug lured everyone in with its accessibility, and kept them there with their zany characters. Doug is a kid who doesn’t quite fit in but he’s got hi pal Scooter and his dog Porkchop along to help him out. With his huge imagination and strange ability to get into awkward situations, he’s able to keep us entertained. Plus every now and then he becomes one of the coolest superheros to wear a belt… QUAILMAN.

...maybe he was just a tad to old for this...
…maybe he was just a tad to old for this…

#4 X-men

Yes based on the extremely popular comic book series this show brought it off the page and onto your television set. Along with being just a great show in general, it gave us one of the best theme songs in the history of man-kind. I mean most of us are still hooked off the intro alone. Here’s something to try, walk into a crowded place and blast this song and watch what happens.

They will appear…

The character selection was great, they had Morph, Beast, Rogue, Cyclops, Storm,Wolverine, and much more. Even Jubilee served as a pretty good character in terms of  introducing us to the X-men’s world. They did a really good job with character development and keeping them close to their comic book counterparts. From Wolverine and Sabertooth’s rivalry, right down to having Storm be afraid of tight spaces. This show really shaped the direction that Marvel has taken and helped it become the force in film that it is now. Without it we’d still be stuck with movies like the 90s captain america and the Avengers movie would never have existed! Thank you X-men!

But you...no thanks
But you…no thanks

#3 Ducktales

Ok the 90s has the crown when it comes to theme songs. If people can agree on nothing else we can at least agree on that! When this song comes on try not to go WoooOOO!

The show circles around Scrooge Mcduck, the richest duck in the world, and his 3 grand nephews. I’m not exactly sure who the father is(Darkwing duck?) but Donald is their uncle. Huey, Dewey, Louie, and their uncle get into all sorts of adventures while Scrooge tries to protect his riches while gaining more. My personal favorite is the episode  the hound of castle mcduck. Based off of the book “the hound of the baskerville” it really demonstrates the variety of the show and its ability to make a story it’s own. Plus it taught us all that if you have enough money you can do this-

I'm about to diiiiiiiiive iiinnnn
I’m about to diiiiiiiiive iiinnnn

#2 What A Cartoon!

The What a Cartoon show was Cartoon Networks testing grounds. It just so happened that most of their tests were amazingly forward thinking, creative, and outright fun. You never knew exactly what you were going to get when this show came on, and that was half the fun. The other half was knowing that this one shot episode might come back later on for several seasons. Many great shows got their start here including the Power Puff girls, Courage the cowardly dog, Dexter’s laboratory,Johnny Bravo,Codename: Kids Next Door, and little known fact Family Guy!

With all these great shows owing their existence to “What a Cartoon” we have to give it its respect. Side Note: I wish that they’d come out with another show like this, it would really accelerate the amount of good shows being put on television.

#1 Batman The Animated Series

Oh Superman fans stay out of your feelings! Without this shows success your guy never would have made it.

Neveeerrr wouuulddaa maaade iiit
Neveeerrr wouuulddaa maaade iiit

If you’ve ever read even ONE of my blogs you knew Batman was going to be somewhere on this list (Statics not here because he just missed the cut off airing  9-23-2000). Seriously though even non fans have to admit with music by Danny Elfman backing it up and an atmosphere that completely changed the way people saw superheroes, it had to be on here. Batman led the way for other fan favorites such as Superman the animated series, Batman and robin the animated series, countless amazing DVD DC universe features, and a little show called The Justice League. Dare I say without this animated series we might not have seen Christopher Nolan’s “Dark Knight” as any Bat-Fan will tell you if anybody got the Bat right it was this series and Nolan DID study it. It introduced to the world outside of comic books so many things such as how Gotham looks, the relationship between Batman and the police, and the infamous…Bat-Glare!

Just run…he’ll catch you but…maybe he’ll just break one arm…maybe…

Little known fact that’s actually a superpower…joking but he has used it to effectively shutup Superman, Martian Manhunter and just about anybody else foolish enough to question his methods(except wonder woman who insisted on making him her boyfriend).

Close your eyes and try to listen to Batman’s voice…now the Jokers…how about two face? Penguin? I’m willing to bet that you heard in this order: Kevin Conroy, Mark Hamill, Richard Moll, and Paul Williams. I’ve watched every Batman movie a million times over and still these are the voices I hear, no matter how great Heath Ledger was in the Dark Knight that was a one time gig, Hamill has been the joker for decades now. Kevin Conroy has been Batman for just as long and why? It’s off the success of this amazing program. The artwork was amazing in fact they had to give it its own name as it didn’t fit into any category that came before it “Dark Decko.”

Nominated for 19 awards and winning a Daytime Emmy this show embodied not only the Dark Knight and Gotham, but the entire idea of what we want to see in our superhero cartoons. Each hero has a fan following for a reason, when you bring that to the screen you keep those fans and add more (I don’t get what’s so hard about it? Stop letting your ego get in the way Hollywood.)

That’s the best five for right now but as I was doing more research I’m thinking about making a top twenty because WOW the 90s weren’t playing when it came to cartoons! So for now I hope you enjoyed this but I’ll definitely be updating it soon!

Thanks for reading Sincerely,

Brian Bell-Wiseguy Industries