Ben Affleck Is Batman: How it sent me through those 5 stages.

I decided to wait on writing this until I was through experiencing what I knew was going to happen. I didn’t want to behave rashly, or put anything out onto the wide web I couldn’t take back. ¬†Let’s take a journey, a journey that began with an amazing announcement at comic-con, and ended…with Ben Affleck.

1st step – Denial

batman no wayThis is where it all began for me. I follow IGN on Facebook and I thought it was some kind of joke. In fact when I posted it in another group that I belong to, they too laughed. “Oh IGN is TROLLING HARD today,” “That’s not funny IGN,” they said “we all know that’s not true.” “Confirmed? What do they mean confirmed? His name wasn’t even mentioned!” Indeed the Nile t’was not just a river in Egypt that fateful ‘eve. We were knee-deep in denial, for IGN does not troll good people, they are not the Onion. People began wildly throwing out accusations of IGN being hacked until eventually we saw it on other sites. With dawning comprehension the horror of the situation hit us as hard as a vegetable Bane.

veggie bane
He still hit pretty hard.

Stage 2 – Anger

The internet EXPLODED! Angry fan-boys doused themselves in gasoline and set themselves on fire outside of Warner Brothers’ headquarters.

World peace? Uhh no, didn't you hear about Bat-fleck???
World peace? Uhh no, didn’t you hear about Bat-fleck???

Memes abound! Didn’t you see Daredevil? He doesn’t have the charisma, he doesn’t have the attitude, he won’t take it seriously! Does he even lift?? This is a slap in the face to all nerd kind, how DARE you WB how DARE YOU? How about you just stick to animated movies and leave the real superhero stuff to Disney? You SUCK!

bat boston

Step 3- Bargaining

Maybe they offered the role to someone else first? Maybe they turned it down? If we protest, sign petitions? Maybe they just need to hear our voices? Yeah…Yeah…that’s it, hey look White House! Make this travesty illegal! That’ll show ’em! They’ll change it for sure now. Xbox retracted it right? Same thing can happen here! Nothing…let’s pray on it! No? nothing? What? Seriously?

Blight
You guys? I don’t think he’s changing his mind…

Step 4 Depression

Every morning waking up to the nightmare that is BAT-FLEK sent several people into a depression, self abusive spiral. Nobody wore Batman paraphernalia out on the streets, for shame!  Every night I had terrible dreams of bat-nipples, bad puns, and chubby non-caring batmen.

Step 5 Acceptance

Maybe…maybe he’s learned from his stint as the Daredevil. I mean I know he said he’d never play a superhero again. He felt it degraded him as an actor…But maybe that just means the role is something he feels he can really throw himself into? Yeah that’s gotta be it. I mean Wolverine said he’d be good so that’s got to count for something right? Right?

Sigh…let us pray the nerd’s prayer.

Oh Bob Kane and possibly Bill Finger, depending on who you’re talking to, please let this Batman casting not be the worst thing since Joel…Please allow us the strength to carry on in these hard and unknowing times, if you could please stop turning over in your graves for half a second, we would like to apologize for WB for they know not what they do. I pray that you somehow make this work. In Wayne’s name…Abat.

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Thanks for reading!

Sincerely,

Wiseguy Industries-Brian Bell

Spoiler Free Movie Review: Superman Unbound!

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Now I know a lot of fuss is going on about Star Trek and Iron man 3. But lets not forget that DC has put out yet another animated film. This is also something to get excited about as they usually do an awesome job when it comes to this.

In this film Brainiac and Superman meet for the first time after one of Brainiac’s droids lands on earth.

The first thing you notice when watching a DC animated film is the artist’s renditioning of the characters. In Superman vs The Elite he had an extremely pronounced jawline, giving him a stranger more cartoony look that I felt didn’t really go with the darker themes they were trying to convey. In this film they lost the hard jaw going with a sleeker look. I like the look for the film.

The Characters

Superman/Clark Kent

Super Girl/Kara Zor-el

Brainiac

Louis Lane

Jimmy

These are just the main characters I can list without giving away too much of the story line.

Superman is going through a lot, he’s a busy guy and the terrorists in Metropolis are starting to bank on this. However his cousin has shown up and tries to take his place during is busier days.

The relationship between Superman and Supergirl is well thought out and plays very well throughout the movie. In fact the side story of Supergirl’s growth and struggles is one of the high points of the movie.

However Supergirl’s babbling dialogue can get very annoying, very quickly. It is as if someone was writing a caricature of a teenage girl and threw it into every word she speaks. The writing for her dialogue doesn’t detract completely from her story but it did pull me out of it from time to time. Her dialogue being so cliche is strange as they definitely put a lot of dedication and effort into making Louis Lane extremely strong, independent, and feisty, everything we’ve come to love from her.

My issues with this movie don’t end there however. While I do enjoy Louis Lane’s character and Supergirl’s struggle to find herself in this new world, the rest of the movie just doesn’t do it for me. My usual problems with Superman come into play many times here. For example when he first fights the droid probe it’s a little tough and can take several hits from him, however eventually it is shown that a desk chair can be used to defeat it. Superman’s own power levels drastically flip flop throughout the movie which is another huge issue for me when it comes to him. Either nothing can constrain him or he’s locked in stop switching it for dramatic purposes, its become to obvious.

As I like to stick to spoiler free reviews this one will be rather short, sweet, and to the point.

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3 Stars out of 5. While the voice acting is really good and the idea is well thought out. The overall execution was lacking, surprising coming from a DC animated flick. I wouldn’t recommend watching it but if you have nothing else to do…I’m sure you could find something better to watch than this one…In fact I’ll be uploading a review on a few other DC animated films very soon so stay tuned for that!

Thanks for reading!

Sincerely,

Wiseguy Industries

The New Justice League Movie, some ideas but maybe to little, to late.

So for quite awhile now I’ve been hearing about Warner Brothers attempting to make a Justice league movie. Lest we forget –

justice league terrible

Yeah if you’ve never seen that it’s a still collage from the Justice League of America made for tv film. A fun game is to try and watch all 82 minutes of it without throwing your television into the street in anger, (did i say fun game? I meant “substitute for being in a saw movie”).

This little mistake may be why the WB has focused so much on their animated films, (awesome) instead of expanding smaller characters into feature length live action films. They are scared. To be sure they’re characters were never as…realistically character driven as Marvel’s characters. The reason Marvel became so popular in the first place is because Stan Lee’s focus was on showing normal people who attain SUPER powers and that’s why they show up so well on screen. I mean sure the 90s marvel films all sucked but that’s because they ignored what made the characters great in the first place.

So now that Marvel has found its mark with the Avengers, DC is licking its chops ‘cuz boy do they smell money. I’m sure those executives at WB and DC sat in the tallest building just drooling all over the table.

“THINK OF IT OH THE MONEY!”

“YES WE’LL MAKE MILLIONS,BILLIONS!”

(and then the one guy who makes sense)

Uh guys, wouldn’t we just be copying Marvel? And don’t people usually respond negatively to cheap knockoffs clearly made for nothing more than the money?

Then this happens…
thrown out

Yeah they are making it, so lets just talk about what they SHOULD do.

WHAT THEY SHOULD DO

They SHOULD have a lead in to it entitled “World’s Finest” Starring Batman and Superman. If you aren’t familiar with the animated “movie” (it was really a two part on Batman the animated series later released as a feature length film). It has The Joker going to metropolis with a lot of Kryptonite, he’s somehow found out that it’s superman’s weakness and he knows the one guy who will pay for him to be gone (if you’re good at something never do it for free).

This ends up being the first true meeting of Batman and Superman as Batman finds out what Joker’s up to and takes a trip to save Superman. This perfectly sets up the relationship between the two and as I think their relationship is one of, if not the, best friendship in superhero history, I would really like to see this on the big screen.

Them teaming up at the end to defeat the two could lead to a further idea in Batman’s head to set up an entire team in case of a giant event. Thus the Justice league could be born without having to do several other movies like Marvel did. One new superman movie, one new batman movie, world’s finest, Justice League. Bad-A-Boom Bad-A-Bing like magic.

WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN

I’m not a pessimist, I’m not an optimist, though I try to be. In truth I’m a realist and I’ve seen this go bad before and in my darkest nightmares I see the worst that could, and probably will happen. No they won’t get Schumer to direct it, that would incite a full fledged nerd war. But they will make several bad decisions. Such as poor casting in all venues including director. They were talking about Ben affleck but after Daredevil people just aren’t as warm to him in the superhero genre. I’ve also seen the name Michael Bay floated around, he can stick to the Daredevil’s spawn of TMNT and racist robots thank you. Preferably they’d get JJ Abrams to direct it but he’ll be doing star wars AND star trek (lucky). So who does that leave? uh a bunch of people actually that will be spitballed around a room and then thrown away for whoever they think has the big enough name to bring in the money.

They won’t develop the characters properly.

There would be WAY too much CGI. It’d be to the point where they couldn’t even have certain key characters because of all the powers the Justice league utilizes.

Basically this is just a big flaming ball of turd waiting to happen. However maybe they’ll listen to the fans for once and pull of a spectacular film. Or maybe they’ll just pull it completely.

Thanks for reading.

Sincerely,

Wise guys guessing